i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was confusing and full of hummus
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
