he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
