You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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