My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think weed is turning my hair brown
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
