i may or may not be watching the land before time
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
