Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
