youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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