I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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