One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
