he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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