sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
smell my finger.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
