Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i believe in u and ur pee
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
