U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
