good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
