btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Even my vagina gasped.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
