You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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