I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
