love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
