the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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