He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
