my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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