My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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