I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize