I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
