sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
