You can't special order awesome
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
