This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
