mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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