i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
