Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
