I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
