my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
