So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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