We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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