i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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