New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
