I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We left the knife in your bed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
