She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
