My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
