Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize