well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
