Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
