He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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