I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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