I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
