what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
