If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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