Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
