I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am available for nakedness
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
