I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
