Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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