Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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