I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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