he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
