yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
