doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
