I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
