ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
