Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
