so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
