She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize