...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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