a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize