Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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