No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You smell like stripper and shame
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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