I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
