If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
