3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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