Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
